YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize