You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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