he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
