my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
