dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize