It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
