see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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