Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
