Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
