if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
