Just cropdusted the office
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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