break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
