Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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