please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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