I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
