On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
