question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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