I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
