he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
