I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
