Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
