I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
