i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
