I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
