So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
