So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
