Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
