ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
