you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
