i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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