It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
