I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
