I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
