the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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