Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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