so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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