I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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