She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
