i think my mom watched the whole time
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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