Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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