Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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