So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
