You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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