overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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