just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
