i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
