moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
