Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
