she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
