He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
