It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
