how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
