At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
