I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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