you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
