Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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