I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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