Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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