So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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