dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
