Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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