I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
