it wasn't lemon gatorade
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
