are you still at the devil's house?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
