i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
