he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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