We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
operation have a gay friend backfired
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
