Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
