and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
