Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
