3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I DEMAND FORESKIN
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
